One of the biggest clichés in films and on Television is the fat cop sitting on his huge ass in a police car chowing down on doughnuts and bagels. Some people find that image amusing others find it sad. I find it a cause for inspiration and awe.
The road to achieving your ideal weight is a long and hard one. Many dieters become disillusioned when they find that achieving their weight loss goals is proving to be a tougher challenge than they thought when they started the journey.
Here at the Ratchet Diet, we are always looking at inspirational stories to lift the spirits of our loyal members and keep their motivation levels high in the face of setbacks and short-term failure to achieve their goals.
And I can think of nothing more inspirational than the examples set by the fat cops of the world.
These fat cops have all of the same challenges that you and I have trying to lose weight and keep the fat off, but as each new day dawns they are presented with new challenges.
On a slow crime day, a fat cop may be stuck in a patrol vehicle for hours on end, doing little more than sitting still and consuming vast numbers of donuts.
Now of course this is not a new problem. Cops have had to deal with the donut challenge since the first British “Bobbie” was put on the beat by Sir Robert Peel in the London of Sherlock Holmes.
In those early days there were no patrol cars and the life of a policeman was an active one requiring a constant supply of food to provide the energy needed to chase down and collar miscreants.
The method of dealing with this challenge was the famous Bobbies helmet.
After induction training into the force, a Bobbie could easily pack up to a dozen normal sized donuts into his Bobbie’s helmet.
The more experienced Bobbies got the packing of donuts into the helmet down to such a fine art that they were able to squeeze a thermos flask full of hot tea in as well. This enabled them to relax after a particularly strenuous chase with a few delicious donuts and a hot cuppa.
In those early days of policing, there were very few fat cops to be seen.
And in those days the criminal fraternity respected the police and actually looked forward to being chased by fit young men in neat blue uniforms. It was not uncommon in those happier times for a mugger or pickpocket to acknowledge a good pursuit and collar with phrases like:
“Its a fair cop, guvnor! You got me good an’ proper you did”
But come the 20th century and labour saving devices like patrol cars, guns, tasers and mace, and the fitness levels of the average cop took a nose dive.
It was now possible to cruise around chasing criminals in a patrol car while seated comfortably on a well upholstered seat.
Instead of running down an alley way and apprehending a villain attempting to scale a wall, it was now possible to just take aim and direct a hail of lead in the direction of the fleeing suspect. Having killed or maimed the quarry, the cop only needed to stroll casually over to the wounded or dead criminal, bag and tag him and then go back to the station to fill out the paperwork.
The advent of the fat cop has seen the old mutual respect between cop and crim evaporate. Gone are the days of a criminal complementing a cop and shaking his hand after being arrested.
Having shot and wounded a fleeing suspect and brought him crashing face first to the pavement, modern policing practice requires that the police officer then render the suspect into a compliant, pre-arrest state with the liberal application of the taser or a good spray of mace.
Unfortunately these standard police arrest procedures can give the appearance of police brutality to the untrained eye. The fat cop then finds himself on the receiving end of a barrage of foul-mouthed abuse from both the suspect and onlookers, when he is simply doing his job.
Little wonder then, that at the end of a “hard day at the office”, the fat cop finds himself physically and mentally exhausted.
Eventually some fat cops decide that they need to go on a diet and lose a bit of the surplus blubber. They assume that it should be fairly easy to cut back on the number of donuts they are eating each day.
The food industry is continually introducing new innovations into the production of donuts to the extent that it is now almost a gourmet commodity. Entire departments have been created within the laboratories of the major food vendors to cater for the lucrative fat cop demographic.
Former cops are hired to act as human guinea pigs in trials of new lines of donuts, bagels and cookies.
The food chemists then add extra fat and sugar in the precise ratios that will drive the average cop into a food frenzy.
So the car bound cop finds him or herself tempted by irresistible products like the Krispy Kreme Dulce de leche. This particular doughnut is coated in sugar, making it crunchy on the outside, and then stuffed with a thick, creamy dulce de leche filling.
A psyche unit working for the New York Police Department were shocked to find that the Dulce de leche donut is actually more addictive to a cop than crack cocaine is to a ghetto dweller.
So what is the take home from this?
Well number one, is that despite being fat, these fat cops don’t let the fat stop them doing their jobs and doing them damn well! The fat cops remain professional at all times and ignore the rude jibes about their physical appearance from public and colleagues alike and just get on with the job of policing.
OK, so the odds of being shot by a fat cop are more than double those of being shot by a thin one. Big deal.
It’s better to be shot by a fat cop than to be beaten to a pulp by a skinny cop.
A lot of the points raised in this post are best demonstrated by the following videos: