I hope that nobody following the Ratchet Diet has ever been so fat that they couldn’t even work.
I know that we are all here because we have a few “challenges” in the weight department, but the mere fact that you have come to a site like this and are taking action to help yourself lose weight suggests that you would never let things get that bad.
I know that I have spent most of my adult life searching for a fool-proof diet that would make it easy for me to lose weight fast.
I bring this topic up because I was recently reading about a family who have been nick-named The Teletubbies. This is an entire family of lazy, fat bastards who sit around all day sponging off the welfare system watching daytime TV and scoffing cream buns and sausage rolls.
This large family consist of a husband weighing in at 24 stone while his chubster wife tips the scales at 19 stone.
They also have fat kids, with a 19 year old daughter who weighs 17 stone and a 21 year old daughter who weighs 18 stone.
“We have cereal for breakfast, bacon butties for lunch and microwave pies with mashed potato or chips for dinner,” The Large Lady told Closer magazine.
“All that healthy food, like fruit and veg, is too expensive. We’re fat because it’s in our genes. Our whole family is overweight,” she added
The family are being paid just over £22,000 per year in welfare and claim that it is not enough. Bear in mind that that cash in hand of £22,000 is the equivalent of a £30,000 pre-tax salary which is a good income in the squalid part of England that these guys live
These big bludgers say that they are fat due to a hereditory condition and are entitled to free handouts from the tax payer.
I reckon that this family of Portly Parasites could do with a visit from Freda Furtwangler, the Ratchet Diet Clinic – Discipline Officer.
Miss Furtwangler would have these lazy bastards out of their beds at the crack of dawn, out on the cobbled streets on parade in shorts and t-shirts ready for action. She would then frog march the Gargantuan Group to the nearest park where they would be put through a gruelling session of push-ups, sit-ups, star jumps and fartlek.
Only after all exercises on the program were completed and had been performed to the minimum expected standard, would the family be escorted back to their free government provided home and be allowed to have their first meal of the day.
This Fat Foursome would be feeling trim, taut and terrific in no time at all and would be beating a path to their nearest job centre looking for work. Problem solved. Their only memory of Freda Furtwangler would be the red welts on their buttocks where they had felt the sting of Miss Furtwangler’s riding crop.
But who am I too talk? Even Hans himself sometimes wanders off the straight and narrow path and puts his trim figure and health at risk
Take yesterday as an example. I had to attend a French film with my wife and was tempted to indulge in a large glass full of a very crisp and pleasant tasting Sauvignon Blank to take into the film with me. The first half an hour consisted of ads so I found myself back in the foyer purchasing a second glass of wine. Anyone who has studied the advice of Hans Ratzenburger on this website would know that alcohol is a gateway drug for binge eating of the wrong sorts of foods. If you drink any alcohol while on this diet the odds are very high that your self-discipline will go out the window and unhealthy, fattening food will come in the window, and you will eat it.
That was proven to be a correct assumption because before the night was out I had vsited the refrigerator and scoffed several large bowls of Neapolitan ice-cream that was supposed to be in the freezer for the next visit from my five year old granddaughter.
You can never get too complacent, even when you are living the Ratchet Diet lifestyle.