There are worse things in life than being Fat

When you are a fat person, struggling to lose weight it can be easy to think that things could not get much worse.     Think again.

What if you were so naïve and retarded that you decided that North Korea would be a good destination for a relaxing holiday.     And what if you then doubled down on that stupidity by breaking the law while you were in North Korea.     This is a country where the people live on grass and you can get shot for laughing at the leader’s haircut.  (And who wouldn’t laugh at it.   Its a wonder the entire population hasn’t been shot already!)


Silly westerners think they can break our laws and get away with it

But there is no shortage of stupid people in the world and one of them is called Otto Warmbier who is a 21-year-old University of Virginia undergraduate student.    This genius recently went on holiday to North Korea and while he was there he attempted to steal a propaganda banner from a restricted area of his hotel.  He has now been convicted and sentenced  to fifteen years in a North Korean jail.

Upon being sentenced it suddenly dawned on this young gentleman that he had fucked up bigtime .


His pleas for clemency fell on deaf ears and he was bundled off to his new home in the North Korean gulags.   Once he arrives there he will be greeted by the traditional Korean Kicking to make him feel at home before being assigned to his room.


This room will be the prisoner’s “home away” from home for the next 15 years

He will need to ensure that he follows all instructions by the guards to the letter.  Transgressions are brutally punished by various ingenious and devilish oriental torture methods dreamed up by the bored guards.

Prisoners have described the infamous ‘pigeon torture.’   In this torture you are stripped naked by the brutish guards and then strapped  on your back onto a wire-framed metal bed on wheels.    This is one of the more popular tortures within the jail and is usually watched by groups of giggling female administration staff who love to climb on top of the prisoner and take selfies on their smart phones to send to friends and family.   Being a westerner, this prisoner will be quite a novelty and should prove to be a huge hit with these ladies.  Once the photo opportunity session is over, the guards roll the bed under a giant pigeon loft with a wire mesh floor that allows the pigeons to crap all over the prisoner.    Depending upon the severity of the crime you could be left in this position for hours, days or even weeks.   A UN report found that prisoners subjected to this punishment never fully recover. 

These unpleasant  camps are surrounded by high perimeter fences that are made of barbed wire and have been electrified at a deadly voltage.    Giant pits have been dug and covered with leaves and there are minefields placed at discrete intervals around the perimeter fence.   Fierce  guard dogs that have been infected with rabies roam freely all around the perimeter.


If you get re-captured after trying to escape, your ass belongs to the “camp” guards

The camp guards are given the right to rape any prisoners found outside the prison walls before returning them to the prison for punishment.    The straight guards are happy to let their camp friends get on with the romantic stuff while they film the activities on their smart phones and then upload the videos to Youtube.   This practice is actively encouraged by the prison administration because it brings shame on the prisoners by publically humiliating them and showcasing the decadence of westerners.

Punishment for even minor infractions will involve forced labour, solitary confinement, beatings, mutilation and having to write an essay of one thousand words or more, describing their love for the Dear Leader Kim Il Jong.

One political prisoner described being strung over a lit fire during interrogation, and having a finger cut off for dropping a sewing machine while another had his penis cut off for wetting himself while being forced to stand to attention for ten hours on the parade ground.

So this guy has really messed up.   His only consolation is that he is not likely to get fat while he is serving his 15 year sentence.

So next time you are feeling sorry for yourself for being fat, spare a thought for this young man who could well be suffering from another dose of the Pigeon Torture as we speak.



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