How would you like to be so fat that you couldn’t even have sex with your husband or wife? That would be pretty annoying wouldn’t it.
Well that was the situation of the couple in an article I read this morning.
The couple were a lovely pair of human beings.
The was beautiful in a rubenesque sort of way. She had a lovely face and a beautiful tattoo to go with it. To be fair, she had more chins than the Chinese phone directory but even with all that extra padding she was still a very sexy woman who had been pursued by many admirers before her husband won her heart.
She was morbidly obese, but she liked to describe herself in her social media profiles as “curvy” or “pleasantly plump”.
She had dreamed of one day meeting Mr Right and settling down into an intimate relationship with a man. But having achieved her goals she now found that the laws of physics and biology conspired to prevent them being able to consummate their marriage. She had a bad case of Fat Vagina Syndrome. This is a little known syndrome where a woman has several layers of internal fat pressing on the vaginal opening making it very difficult for an intimate partner to gain entrance into her vagina.
If it had been just the wife who was overweigh, there would not have been too much trouble, but the situation was compounded by hubby being a bit “on the large size” himself. In fact to be a bit blunt, hubby was carrying more blubber than Moby Dick. It is a well known fact that the bigger your gut is, the more of your penis is sucked into the body. This gentlemen had a massive gut so its fair to say that his penis had been well and truly sucked in.
So this couple had a major challenge to deal with. Her with her Fat Vagina and him with his Sucked in Penis made for a very sad spectacle when they attempted to make love. There was not enough lube in the world to make that work!
They were deeply in love and wanted to express that beautiful and exquisite bond of love between them by tearing off each others clothes and having loads of hot sex.
But each time they tried to have sex they had to stop due to the bed breaking or one of them passing out due to high blood pressure. They were genuinely afraid that one or both of them could suffer a fatal heart attack during a sustained session of sexual activity.
No matter what position they tried something always went wrong. Their doctor told them there was nothing he could do to help them until they lost at least 15 stone between them.
They knew that they were big people, but they had been too frightened to get on a set of scales and face the truth. Their doctor ordered them to stop being so stupid and “get real”.
When they stepped onto their scales they found that she weighed 15 stone and he weighed over 21 stone. If they could not lose weight they would have to invest in a reinforced industrial sized bed and a hoist to lift them onto each other on the bed.
The young lovers found a typical low carb diet and started the long and challenging diet journey. All diets will work, its just that you need to have the strong initial motivation to kick start you and then a reliable system that will keep you hard at it when the hunger pangs and temptations start.
As the weight dropped away the couple found a new zest for life. They joined gyms and their libidos soared. They were now at it day and night like a pair of rabbits on heat. The increased activity made them lose even more weight and things continued to improve.
The gist of their diet was the well known low carb option. Plenty of good quality protein, loads of scrumptious vegies and salads and don’t be afraid of the fat.
Now the couple are trim, toned and terrific and turn heads when they walk down the streets for all the right reasons. They are more in love than ever and can hardly keep their hands off each other.
And with globalisation, don’t think for one second that this sort of problem is confined to the Western world. Loving Asian couples are now finding that they have eaten too many noodles and are having major challenges getting it on with their partners.
Sadly this couple looked like they were not even capable of loving each other “Short Time”!
Fortunately with the Chinese economy going gangbusters at the moment the Chinese couple were able to easily fund Bariatric Surgery so that in no time at all they were working towards the production of their allotted one child.
This inspiring video tells the full story.
Then there is this English couple who got married only to find out that they were struggling to get their leg over between the sheets. It seemed that the newlyweds were used to living on benefits and had grown workshy, so it came as quite a shock to the system when the groom tried to carry his blushing bride across the doorstep of their taxpayer provided home and up to the stairs to the marital bed that had recently been supplied to them by the Salvation Army.
When he finally regained his breath and they removed their clothing to get down and dirty they discovered that it was anatomically impossible for their organs to meet with all the rolls of fat in the way. This was a real bummer.
And then in this video we see a lovely young lady who is carrying a “few extra pounds” and has snared the “man of her dreams” only to find out that he is “Too Fat to F*ck”. She is bitterly disappointed and has gone to Jeremy Kyle to help her out.