A Game of Thrones – How to Lose Weight on the Loo

What would happen if I told you that you could drop 10 pounds (approx. 5 kilos) of weight in one sitting?

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I know that sounds hard to believe but others have done it and maybe you could too. Many people are walking around with a giant stool stuck in their colon, making them feel unwell and artificially pushing up their weight.

Losing weight is a hard enough job, without making it even harder by carrying around 10 or 15 kilos of compacted faecal matter around inside your bowels!

You don’t want your weight artificially bumped up because you are full of shit (pardon my French).

When a person goes on a diet, the focus is all about what goes in their mouth with the assumption that 100% of the calories are consumed within their body.

But not all of your food is able to be used by your body.

What actually happens is that some of the food food travels through your internal organs through your intestines, into the colon and is eventually ejected from your anus.

A surprising number of people don’t even know what their colon looks like and where it is positioned inside their body.


Maybe some mornings you weigh a lot more than usual because your are “Full of Shit”

The journey of food through your internal organs starts when you put food into your mouth. When you chew and then swallow the food it goes from your mouth into your esophagus .

Your esophagus is a pipe about 10 inches long. It moves food from the back of your throat to your stomach.

Your stomach, which is attached to the end of the esophagus, has four jobs:

  1. to store the food you’ve eaten
  2. to break down the food into a liquidy mixture
  3. to slowly empty that liquidy mixture into the small intestine
  4. kill bacteria that might be in the eaten food.

The small intestine is a long tube that’s about 1½ inches to 2 inches around, and 22 feet long (7 meters).  The small intestine breaks down the food mixture even more so your body can absorb all the vitamins, minerals, proteins, carbs and fats.

The next stop for the good stuff is the liver, while the waste stuff goes on to the large intestine.  The large intestine is 3 to 4 inches round and 5 feet (about 1.5 meters) long.

Meanwhile the waste matter that is not wanted by your body, passes through the final part of the large intestine called the colon  where the body gets its last chance to absorb the water and some minerals into the blood.

As the water leaves the waste product, what’s left gets harder and harder as it keeps moving along, until it becomes a solid.    There are many words for this solid brown stuff as it makes its final journey through your digestive system.

It can be called faeces, poop, shit, crap, a stool or, in polite society, a bowel movement.

Finally the large intestine pushes the fecal matter into the rectum  where the solid waste stays until you are ready to go to the bathroom.

When you go to the bathroom, you get rid of this solid waste by pushing it through your anus.

But what if something goes wrong?

What if all of the waste matter does not make the full journey and gets stuck somewhere.   That could lead to the build-up of faecal matter over time to the point where you have a giant stool stored inside you.

This is what happened to the gentleman in the following article.

He went to his doctors complaining about painful constipation, and the doctor found that he had a giant 11 pound (5 kilogram) stool inside his colon.

A 27-year-old man who was suffering from severe constipation for 10 years underwent surgery to remove a large stool from his colon.

The unidentified patient was evaluated at Second People’s Hospital in Chengdu, China, after complaining of stomach pain, Central European News (CEN) reported. While he had been admitted for the same pain previously, doctors had been unable to diagnosis the cause.

A series of X-rays revealed that the patient’s heart had shifted to the right because his colon had swelled to twice the normal size, CEN reported. Doctors diagnosed him with congenital megacolon, which can cause paralysis of the movements of the bowel and can sometimes lead to fecal tumors.

Surgeons later removed an 11-pound stool that had lodged itself in the patient’s colon and caused his severe pain. He is currently in recovery, CEN reported


But that is by no means a world record. In fact one of the largest stools ever measured was the one they found inside Elvis after his death.

His own doctor reports that Elvis had 15 kilograms of compacted faecal matter inside his colon the night he died.

By way of comparison, the heaviest baby ever born was a boy weighing 10 kilograms who was born in Italy in September 1955.   The average size of a human baby is 3.5 kilograms.

The giant stool contained inside The King of Rock and Roll when he died is described in detail in the following article:

His personal physician, Dr. “Nick” Nichopoulos, claimed that chronic constipation killed Elvis. The autopsy showed that his colon was full of more than 30 pounds of faeces.

Chronic constipation enlarges your colon, and Elvis’ colon was twice as long and twice as wide as a normal colon. However, you don’t die of constipation without a dramatic amount of warning beforehand.

For constipation to kill a person, the colon dies first. Elvis’ autopsy did not show that his colon died because the pathologist did not notice tissue necrosis, a marker of cell death. Also the autopsy did not show a rupture of the colon itself.


So there is definitely an option of getting a quick win at your weight loss by finding out if you have constipation and if so working out the most efficient and painless way of achieving that weight loss.

If you are having abdominal pains and suspect a giant stool is lurking inside you, run, don’t walk, to your nearest doctor and get it investigated.

But prevention is better than cure, so you should eat a healthy diet and don’t get to the point that you have to have a “Hunka Hunka impacted Fecal Matter” surgically removed from your colon.

Don’t wait until you have a stool as big as the one Elvis had.

Ideally you should be eating lots of fibre and drinking at least two litres of water per day to ensure that your bowels are functioning at maximum efficiency and you don’t need to be rushed to surgery to go have your stools removed under the knife!

Don’t fall for the popular hype about eating loads of “healthy grains” though.   A far better option is to ramp up your intake of healthy vegetables.   Particularly your nutrient rich, non-starchy green vegetables.

You really cannot eat too many vegetables and unlike grains you will be eating a natural, unprocessed food that is tailor made to assist your digestion.

Every meal you eat should be on a plate and consist of protein (meat, fish or fowl) about as big as your fist, and the rest of the plate should be a mountain of vegetables of all types and colours.  

Don’t eat snacks, burgers or other fast foods.   If you can eat your food standing up you are eating unhealthy crap.

If you don’t have the time to sit down to a real meal on a plate, sitting at a table, maybe that says something about your lifestyle.

Elvis Would have been a happier man if he had told his assistants to hold his Whopper and bring on the vegetables.

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